Speechless

Much time has passed and i didn’t write any thing .. i guess i couldn’t talk cause all my thoughts was lost and too much that i couldn’t clear them .. and it kinda seemed easier to not talk and explain or even say what on my mind.. but what’s the difference ! ..if i kept like that .. no thing would change .. no thing would happen .. i woke up one day and i didn’t wanna feel like that any more .. i am done with sadness .. with every thing that is killing me inside .. life is rough no doubt and in some days and nights u will be exhausted from thinking in what ever troubles u .. but that’s the big test .. that’s where u have to get up .. with pain and fight your road through life .. and run as hard as u can to turn your dreams into reality .. it’s the time when u decide that troubles.. sadness.. anger .. and every thing u feel weather it will beat u down or will strengthen u .. every thing in life happens for a reason .. most people have no idea how strong they are .. how they can truly be what they want if they fight for the life they want .. for themselves at least .. but we choose to live in that sad feeling with this sad way only because we feel safe in some kind of way in the feeling we used to that we have fear to try a new one .. but how will we know if we didn’t try .. a bad timing .. or bad things is not a bad life … u need to remember it’s not the end of the world and u can accomplish so many if u just believe u can .. fight harder and harder .. change to the better .. to the person u wanna be … u can .. just say it .. remember all the suffering and challenge every thing .. show your self before u show the world how strong u r .. that’s the thing about pain .. “it demands to be felt ” so feel it and accept it but don’t let it control u or break u . let it make u stronger and better .. if u believe .. any thing is possible .. i started with my self .. i am working on my self .. yea it’s hard but trust me it will be worthy ,, cause how bad u feel now it won’t last forever when u decide it won’t .. fight .. fight for who u r .. i believe in u .. i can and u can .. 🙂 u have the power to change every thing starting with your self .. 🙂 just START .

Advertisements

stop.

I have a hard time in ordering what i should write , i think sometimes there is a time that comes in a person’s life that every thing goes on  a double attack . like all the troubles ,all the feelings , every thing goes at once on u , it’s horrible the way that someone feels , u just reach this point in your life like u r tired of every thing , u just want some peace , some calmness and u don’t find it , when u r quiet and no body feels u but actually your brain is full of thoughts , and your soul is full of struggles , u don’t know any thing any more but u r tired of every thing and the hardest thing is that u have no idea what to do , u feel so helpless , there is nothing u could achieve , there is no thing u could do to make every thing better and oh , how much this feeling is painful , i am so sad and i am not okay , i just need to say to my brain , my feelings , please stop , i am sick and tired. can’t my life be a little better , can’t i be happy  , is it a big wish for me , the dream of becoming happy or your life just becomes better , …… it’s so hard , every thing , i wish that all the troubles can end , i hope , oh please god , help me …………………….. please please make me happy , fix every thing , make my life better , …

Over Thinking

HEh, i don’t really feel okay , well not with it’s meaning but i feel like i wanna cry or do something to let this weird unknown energy out , here i am having a great desire to write sitting on my laptop listening to songs for a singer i love and drinking juice while trying to think in what i feel to write on my blog just to make my self feel a little better or to say yaah i am better now. but i feel so complicated and probably all of my words won’t be understood but just a question i ask my self always , ‘what do i feel ‘ is it sad or happy for learning a lesson ! is it weak or strength from getting up when i fell down badly . is it wisdom or is it what !! i feel sometimes i don’t even understand my self , every one sees me as this laughing funny person and have no idea what beyond ,i may be quiet but i have so many on my mind , so maybe it’s simple , maybe all of that is a result for the changing my self , maybe it is this way , i always try o help people and make them happy but i wanna ask my self now , what do i want , what will make me happy , what makes me sad! WHAT DO I WANT ? this what i keep asking my self and the silly thing is , or perhaps the funny thing is , whenever i try to search for the answer , i found the most weird things in my crazy mind , sometimes i wonder how do i even think ! am i normal ! maybe  i am not , like right now i am thinking about universe and researches and operations and ICE CREAM i mean what brings all of that in one mind and in people and how they work and in the smell of the sea and i am thinking i wanna swim while it’s raining and in the early morning , wow what i am writing any way !!! i am at least sure of one thing right now , i am for sure a weirdo crazy girl but genius , yup

Some Words

It’s amazing how feelings change every single day , how we react to every thing and even how we reply and how we handle every thing , and the way we think , it’s amazing , isn’t it , how u be up sometimes and even how u be down , i kept thinking today what should i write , and thoughts were running out of my mind , but i had a big desire for writing , so , what i wanna say is most of the time emotions control in us or perhaps i should say all the time , sometimes it’s a bad thing and sometimes not , cause when u r happy u be overwhelmed and when u get sad u just be sad , but the truth is u can change that , u can control every thing and even your emotions , learn to love every thing starting with your self , your flaws before your goods , learn that failure will only drive u to learning and success , it doesn’t mean that u failed , then it’s the end of the world . and i remember someone who is really dear on my heart told me once when i didn’t a degree for me so much and said it sucks , that person told me no it’s not cause i am sure u earned and learned more than the person who had the final degree , and that’s true , who falls , only gets stronger not weaker but wiser as well , so love your self and learn and fall and learn again , but never give up , dream big , set goals and take action .

A story

this blog was always my safe house , the place i could run to when ever i feel any thing that i am sure i won’t be able to say it even for my self cause i am not someone who can say so easy , ‘ladies and gentlemens i am sad , yes , i am sad , well i wanna tell a story , about a little girl , there was a girl ,she was so happy like any other child , she didn’t really think much about any thing but to laugh and feel happiness and be great at every thing , cause she loved seeing happy faces . this girl had a rough time cause her life changed in one moment even though she knows very well it is god’s will and the funny thing she didn’t complain much , she shut her self of the world and concentrated on understanding every thing around her from A to Z. she studied hard cause she didn’t want any thing to keep her up from making her dreams , she made researches and thought about every thing in this whole universe which made her reactions to every thing different from any body else , she was doing her best to make every thing simply great , cause she liked that , she liked success and not giving up on her self or showing any one how she really feels , but actually this girl have hidden so much sadness in her heart that it pained every day and every night , she loved her mom very much , cause she knew she was doing her best to be a mother and a father ,and even though she got back and very strong and was very social and very funny and always laughing , she wasn’t like that from inside , the problem is that sadness hunted her for nights and that what caused not sleeping well and nightmares and even thinking too much which she thought it will probably make her insane , she lost her appetite most of the time until she lost it all , but one thing she never hated and sticked with her , work , she loved working hard for what she want and because she wanted to make a difference and wanted to change many things she didn’t want any one to feel this way in a day , she choosed what she want , she choosed her dream and decided to run with all her strength , even what to make it a reality , sometimes she got a little scared that she won’t make it but she was smarter from that , and knew it’s just her imagination and if she worked hard for something , she will achieve it . and with all of that , she was running from her self , or perhaps that little part in her that in some kind it was attached with the past and caused her sadness , and the funny thing is she knew it was stupid to think that way , so she became moody , and even this is not the perfect word , well let’s say that sometimes , she can’t control this sadness and she becomes quite and she waits for her optimistic thoughts that every thing is okay , every thing will be okay , and she worked on changing her self , to try to control every thing , until one day something captured her heart eventhough she didn’t ever expect any thing like that might happen , and she acted naturally and she didn’t expect that this would ever happen or she will feel so happy like that , so she worked harder and harder to not let this little piece get the best of her . the bottom line is ‘ sadness is not a choice and not a solution , how matter hard it is ,always get up again and stronger then before , run for your dreams and be yourself all the way ‘ . love who u r and one day someone will come and love u the same ‘ i hope from my heart that my wishes will come true and that this girl will be able to conquer her fear and beat her sadness a beaten that it will never forget, and i hope that every thing and every one she loves and adores will stay with her and love her with all what she r just like i am sure she is .

A change

so many has happened . nowadays i started to feel something new , something a long time has passed and i didn’t feel , a feeling that happiness is there and that u could really achieve it , that u could make a difference , i hope that every one who might feel sad or upset in a day could know that life is full of ups and downs and with out the downs we wouldn’t know the ups , so many people was talking to me about how life is hard and sometimes it’s not fair and they start to lose their hope in happiness but the truth is otherwise , i know how life can get hard sometimes but that doesn’t mean that u give up , it means to fight stronger and stronger , to know that there must be something that will make u really happy and make it up to every thing u have been through , that u could look past every thing that has passed in your life and be able to say , u didn’t defeat me , and now watch me my life while i am making my dreams and going to the top . it’s strange sometimes how every thing happens in a time u never expected weather it’s love that u have never seen like and new which stolen your heart just like that or a phone call u didn’t expect to tell your hard work is being appreciated or even something totally different makes u feel simply happy , so whoever u are and where ever u r , don’t u dare to give up cause there is something beautiful and great is waiting for u so don’t give up . get ready for a change .

New View

a long time passed and i didn’t write . a lot of things has happened . i actually took the vacation and i am very glad but it’s short . i wish it would be a little longer i went out a lot and ate delicious food ans sweets but rather than food , i enjoyed cause i decided to be happy . i decided to follow my dreams and wear my passion . I DECIDED TO BE HAPPY . i knew in these past days that what ever happens and u think it’s bad , it’s not cause u know it was for the better after it ; and when u experience something new u have never knew before and it seems to u wonderful . i know now that we r the only people who can decide what we want . we r the only ones who can say that’s what i want and that’s what i will fight for . the only ones who love and decide yes that’s what i feel so . do not let any one tell u u can’t do this or u can’t that . u r the one who decides what u want what u need and WHO U R so keep moving never stop . have fun , and live your life . LIFE IT WITH EVERY SMALL THING .